Refocus

Yesterday was a big day for me. I found out that I did not do so well on two tests that i had yesterday and it was really an eye opening experience for me. I need to really regroup and refocus on what my priorities are and really stick to them. and my priority is the following:

1. Pass all my prerequisite courses
2. Get accepted into the nursing program at daytona state.
3. To complete all my nursing courses with a B or higher.
4. To graduate from the nursing program Fall 2011.

Well I am off to a rocky start! NOt good
But Im gonna get back on track so I can achieve all those goals I plan to achieve! I had a friend tell me today that he was so impressed that when i set my mind to a goal and stick to it! and I need to get back to that erika the erika that does whatever it takes to achieve her goal. Setting my goals and priorities and sticking to them. Well that is what im going to do and nothing can stop me!!!!

Watch out world!
e.

Day 4, I think

So I started this "diet" called the Beck Diet it uses cognitive therapy to help with weight loss. The "thing" to this diet is that it helps you think like a thin person in 6 weeks. Well I thought with that and weight watchers I should be 50 lbs lighter by my 39th birthday. I want this bad I want to be able to wear the clothes I like and not clothes I settle for! I have noticed but have not mentioned that I have the dark marks on my cheek bones like really obese people. Because for my build I am considered obese. Even though I may look like a size 14 according to some I am actually a size 20 and I weigh 238 lbs! I can not have this anymore I am tired of not being happy with the person i see in the mirror. I want to see the person Im suppose to see and that is a size 4 weighing about 140 lbs. or actually 130 lbs but I would be happy with being like 136 lbs. I would not have big boobs or the fat rolls down my sides and I would be able to wear cute dresses and skirts and blouses from those 50's and 60's patterns I bought.

I really have to set my priorities straight. I was able to conquer the school grades and now I achieve A's. I was able to conquer the money thing...I got a job and I made a budget and now I am sticking to it and I am on the road to financial recovery. But why cant I get over this weight issue. I can not seem to lose and keep it off. I am obssessed with loosing weight but I get no where. I get on these eating binges and it is like I can not get off of them. When I set my mind to sticking to the plan I all of a sudden I get the cravings for things I dont want or need. And I give into the cravings instead of ignoring them. I have to learn to get used to different things. Like the tast of fat free or low fat mayo. If i dont do so Im never going to lose the weight. There are alot of other things I have to get used to. The taste of healthier foods. The fact that I need to go to the grocery twice a week for fruits and vegetables.

New Year, New Perspective

On Christmas day I signed up for Weight watchers online. I have not really stuck with it but tried to. For a month I really did not make an effort but the last couple days I have really been more aware. Looking at life from a different perspective and that is because I started reading this new book The Beck Diet Solution by Judith S Beck, Ph.D. She uses cognitive therapy in order to help you lose weight. I wrote my ARC or Advantage Response Cards two days ago and just reading them on a regular keeps me more aware of the things I put in my mouth. It really makes me think. And I really like that. Today Im feeling a bit discouraged but hopeful. I am slowly believing that I will actually be the me I want to be. I just have to use the cards to remind myself of the reasons why I want/need to lose weight! I remember the days I would watch Dawson's Creek and just dream of being as slender as Joey and Michelle. I want that. I was looking at pictures online of these really cute preppy clothes and the skinny girls that were wearing them. That is supposed to be me I thought and it will be me! I ate an unhealthy dinner tonight but shortly thereafter I did 15 minutes of turbo jam. That always puts a smile on my face! Of course it gave me an asthma attack and a headache but nonetheless I was happy! So stay tuned Im giving this a go!

Im at my wits end!!!!

I just dont know what to do. I need motivation I need something. I bought a book today regarding the GI index hopefully it will be easy to read. I want to lose 23 lbs in 10 weeks. It is just 10% of my current weight. I am not sure how to bring it all together..im not sure what to do. Im a bit depressed. I want to be slender. is that so much to ask? well apparently it is. i remember this time last year i was motivated but now im not! why. i just feel like giving up. i keep thinking when i move when i do this when i do that then i would lose the weight! well it aint happening. well i will start listening to renee again that seemed to keep me motivated. it helped me believe i can do it. ok i will try again.

All is good with the world!

So I found out today that I got approved for a house in my mom's neighborhood! I am so elated! It has been a slow going process from living in the hood to now moving up to a home. I never in a million years did I think we would live in a real home again. After the nightmare in Georgia I never thought that I would ever get back to this life...life in a home! Joe is going to get his settlement and we have a plan. In 6 years we have a plan! Life is wonderful! Now I promised myself that I am going to continue with living the life I want to live and this is the first major step! Next will be to get plan going and then executing the plan!

Well I am going to spend time with my hubby and work on my new plans! I will post how I plan to execute my plans! Stay tuned...

Oh My!! I am inspired!

So tonight after I zoned out on Facebook I wanted to check out what was going on at etsy.com. I do as always do is check my favorites to see if anything I marked as a favorite was sold. Well much to my chagrin this adorable pattern was sold! Ugh! Tartarsauce like my little one states when she is mad! I said tartar sauce! It was sold. didnt think anyone else would covet such as cute pattern but obviously someone else did!

But I was able to get it from Ebay! Yeah! So I will be making the boss lady a cute split front dress from the 60's!

I was so inspired by that dress that I started switching gears. As much as I love the euro look the rockabilly look on kids would be phenomenal! So I am going to start searching for companies that make 50's and 60's clothing for girls! Ok so after some research I found NONE! I see companies that sell pink ladies jackets or poodle skirts. Not genuine fashions from the era!

So I am going to continue searching for the cutest vintage patterns...so stay tuned.

Good Morning!

Well this morning I am going to choose to have a positive disposition. I return to work with probably a mountain full of things to do. I am sure we will have shipment to do and I need to do alot of things as well. But I will take it all in stride. I had a vision of my ideal life and I am determind to have it! I work from home from the hours of 8-2 with additional hours once Maddy is asleep. I have healthy snacks waiting for her when she comes home and we hang out before she has homework to do. I work in my design studio where I create, sew and get inspired. Joe and I have two more kids on the way and I am almost done with nursing school. Life is great! And it will be a reality shortly!