Day 4, I think

So I started this "diet" called the Beck Diet it uses cognitive therapy to help with weight loss. The "thing" to this diet is that it helps you think like a thin person in 6 weeks. Well I thought with that and weight watchers I should be 50 lbs lighter by my 39th birthday. I want this bad I want to be able to wear the clothes I like and not clothes I settle for! I have noticed but have not mentioned that I have the dark marks on my cheek bones like really obese people. Because for my build I am considered obese. Even though I may look like a size 14 according to some I am actually a size 20 and I weigh 238 lbs! I can not have this anymore I am tired of not being happy with the person i see in the mirror. I want to see the person Im suppose to see and that is a size 4 weighing about 140 lbs. or actually 130 lbs but I would be happy with being like 136 lbs. I would not have big boobs or the fat rolls down my sides and I would be able to wear cute dresses and skirts and blouses from those 50's and 60's patterns I bought.

I really have to set my priorities straight. I was able to conquer the school grades and now I achieve A's. I was able to conquer the money thing...I got a job and I made a budget and now I am sticking to it and I am on the road to financial recovery. But why cant I get over this weight issue. I can not seem to lose and keep it off. I am obssessed with loosing weight but I get no where. I get on these eating binges and it is like I can not get off of them. When I set my mind to sticking to the plan I all of a sudden I get the cravings for things I dont want or need. And I give into the cravings instead of ignoring them. I have to learn to get used to different things. Like the tast of fat free or low fat mayo. If i dont do so Im never going to lose the weight. There are alot of other things I have to get used to. The taste of healthier foods. The fact that I need to go to the grocery twice a week for fruits and vegetables.

New Year, New Perspective

On Christmas day I signed up for Weight watchers online. I have not really stuck with it but tried to. For a month I really did not make an effort but the last couple days I have really been more aware. Looking at life from a different perspective and that is because I started reading this new book The Beck Diet Solution by Judith S Beck, Ph.D. She uses cognitive therapy in order to help you lose weight. I wrote my ARC or Advantage Response Cards two days ago and just reading them on a regular keeps me more aware of the things I put in my mouth. It really makes me think. And I really like that. Today Im feeling a bit discouraged but hopeful. I am slowly believing that I will actually be the me I want to be. I just have to use the cards to remind myself of the reasons why I want/need to lose weight! I remember the days I would watch Dawson's Creek and just dream of being as slender as Joey and Michelle. I want that. I was looking at pictures online of these really cute preppy clothes and the skinny girls that were wearing them. That is supposed to be me I thought and it will be me! I ate an unhealthy dinner tonight but shortly thereafter I did 15 minutes of turbo jam. That always puts a smile on my face! Of course it gave me an asthma attack and a headache but nonetheless I was happy! So stay tuned Im giving this a go!