Im at my wits end!!!!

I just dont know what to do. I need motivation I need something. I bought a book today regarding the GI index hopefully it will be easy to read. I want to lose 23 lbs in 10 weeks. It is just 10% of my current weight. I am not sure how to bring it all together..im not sure what to do. Im a bit depressed. I want to be slender. is that so much to ask? well apparently it is. i remember this time last year i was motivated but now im not! why. i just feel like giving up. i keep thinking when i move when i do this when i do that then i would lose the weight! well it aint happening. well i will start listening to renee again that seemed to keep me motivated. it helped me believe i can do it. ok i will try again.

All is good with the world!

So I found out today that I got approved for a house in my mom's neighborhood! I am so elated! It has been a slow going process from living in the hood to now moving up to a home. I never in a million years did I think we would live in a real home again. After the nightmare in Georgia I never thought that I would ever get back to this life...life in a home! Joe is going to get his settlement and we have a plan. In 6 years we have a plan! Life is wonderful! Now I promised myself that I am going to continue with living the life I want to live and this is the first major step! Next will be to get plan going and then executing the plan!

Well I am going to spend time with my hubby and work on my new plans! I will post how I plan to execute my plans! Stay tuned...

Oh My!! I am inspired!

So tonight after I zoned out on Facebook I wanted to check out what was going on at etsy.com. I do as always do is check my favorites to see if anything I marked as a favorite was sold. Well much to my chagrin this adorable pattern was sold! Ugh! Tartarsauce like my little one states when she is mad! I said tartar sauce! It was sold. didnt think anyone else would covet such as cute pattern but obviously someone else did!

But I was able to get it from Ebay! Yeah! So I will be making the boss lady a cute split front dress from the 60's!

I was so inspired by that dress that I started switching gears. As much as I love the euro look the rockabilly look on kids would be phenomenal! So I am going to start searching for companies that make 50's and 60's clothing for girls! Ok so after some research I found NONE! I see companies that sell pink ladies jackets or poodle skirts. Not genuine fashions from the era!

So I am going to continue searching for the cutest vintage patterns...so stay tuned.

Good Morning!

Well this morning I am going to choose to have a positive disposition. I return to work with probably a mountain full of things to do. I am sure we will have shipment to do and I need to do alot of things as well. But I will take it all in stride. I had a vision of my ideal life and I am determind to have it! I work from home from the hours of 8-2 with additional hours once Maddy is asleep. I have healthy snacks waiting for her when she comes home and we hang out before she has homework to do. I work in my design studio where I create, sew and get inspired. Joe and I have two more kids on the way and I am almost done with nursing school. Life is great! And it will be a reality shortly!

Inspiration

I must get inspired...well i am inspired I want to be a fun, bright colorful woman...much like nic from luzia pimpinella. She wears such cute fun inspiring clothing and i want that to be me...i guess what is stopping me from being that is me...stay tuned.

What am i doing

I have not focused on losing this weight one bit. Class reunion has come and gone and i have done shit about losing this weight. The good news is that I was able to convert Joe's gym membership to mine so i can go to the gym and workout again. It will be a commitment but i have to do it.i think i would do better to make a schedule. So im gonna work on that this week. i gotta stop feeling like this. Well i better get to work...

A new avatar

So I made the perfect avatar on yahoo. It is a cartoon of the me i want to be...bad news is i cant post it here! damn it! I am skinny and i have straight shoulder length black hair...i look hot well at least the cartoon does. so tomorrow i am going to start on a high protein diet...and then do a mile
friday i will transfer membership at the gym to me...i cant continue to make excuses
i hate having to try clothes on and look like a fat freak. I want to have more self confidence and this is the only way im going to be able to regain it. maybe i will be more social...yeah right
well tomorrow is a new day...

Well it was bound to happen

Yesterday Maddy called me FAT! I was so upset...inside of course. I really have to do something but it is like I am stuck. I dont want to lose weight for fear of attention but I want to lose weight because I am tired of being fat! I keep avoiding that damn diet and I wonder why I got caught up in it to begin with. I have to really sit down and figure the shit out!

But anyway. Joe and I really need to do something because we are slowly killing ourselves and we cant do that to maddy. She deserves to have both mommy and daddy there for her. Not to mention we need to be more fit and slender to be a much better role model for her.

So tonight at least what is left of it I am going to make the promise to myself to read and understand that damn diet!

What a day...

Well another day has come and gone and well I am not anywhere closer to my weight loss goal yet. I plan on being though. I had a stressful day and I really wanted to get away. If today is any indicator of what being a store manager is like then they can have the job. Anyway I have got to work on my cognitive therapy for weight loss. I will start tomorrow!

Toodles poodles!

Going to bed

Well I am going to head to bed and get some much needed sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a great day and a new start of the life I want to live! I got some new catalogs to inspire me so I am going to go and lay down next to my hubby and immerse myself in happiness!

In the beginning

Well this is the first installment of my journey to...The ME I want to be...

I am so tired of being fat! I am so tired of not being consistent with getting in shape. I want to be happy with the person i see in the mirror and I am not. Maddy will be 5 this week and she is slowly creeping into obesity! I have got to stop the madness...I can just scream! I need to get a handle on my life and I need to do so now! I am at the helm of possibly getting the kate spade store manager job and i am so stressed. I need to really chill out and enjoy the ride but i am overwhelmed.

I have got to start today! A customer came in the store yesterday and told me of this fabulous clothing company j. McLauglin...OMG I love their clothes!!! where the hell have i been? this brand has been around for a while and I did not even know it! Well their clothes are really affordable and I want to be able to wear them but I am too fat!

So my goal is to get back in shape, eat healthier, get down to my goal size of a size 6 and life the full happy life that i want to live! I have to learn to be happy with me and well that may be a long process but since i have my new blog I am sure I will get there!

So stay tuned!