Ugh! I hate being sick!

So I am home trying to make this cold or whatever it is better but I am still congested. I am watching teen mom...I know... why? That's what I asked myself too so dont judge me! ;-)
I am still at 236 pounds and I just dont know why this weight wont go away. My brother and his girlfriend are getting married next summer and I HAVE to lose at least 75 pounds! My mindset has changed some but not enough. I got a new job that will allow me to have a set schedule so I can plan my workouts accordingly.

I am at a crossroad trying to decide what is the best diet/eating plan I should follow. I am interested in a low sugar, low carb, calorie restricted, or raw diet. I have researched and researched and at the end of the day I feel like I have reached a dead end. I am not any closer to decision than I was two years ago when I started this journey in September 2008.

I think I am going to rename the blog "My life as a pinball." What do you think. While the me I want to be is still fitting it is a title that sumarizes my future plans...my life as a pinball is much more of a fitting title for the life I lead.

I just checked my calendar and there are 32 weeks between now and my birthday. Eek! That means that at a rate of 2 pounds per week I will lose about 64 pounds between now and then. My goal between now and then is 85 pounds and 100 pounds between now and the first week of August for the wedding.

I have got to get my act together. Stay tuned and stay positive!

What I want to be when I grow up...

I know to some folks that sounds like a silly comment reserved for the young, but to me this is a statement that can be made by anyone of any age. We are always changing and evolving so a statement such as that is not really silly.

Okay there I go again rambling and getting off the subject. Warning: I have ADD so staying focused on a topic is a challenge for me! This is just a warning.

So just a little bit about me and my future... I was attending school full time and working full time (yes, I know insane) I was working towards another associates degree but instead of business and fashion I was going for something practical, nursing. We took all the prerequisites I needed as well as the nursing school entrance exam and while I passed everything my GPA is not competitive as it needs to be in order to be accepted into the program. So I have to sit these next few semesters out. So because I am the way I am I have to stay busy and one career I always aspired to have was a graphic design/multimedia design business. I am honestly not gung ho on becoming a nursing...not really looking forward to wiping butts, butt it is a career that I know I will always have a job to fall back on. Eww, just then I was sounding sensible. Ugh! Warning to you youngsters out there once you have a kid you will sound "sensible" too!

Anyway, back to what I am going to do during this hiatus. I am going to take some online courses in web design and graphic design. I plan on expanding my retail boutique blog and retail consulting services to feature web and graphic design to the menu.

I am busily planning my consulting business. Not to mention design a line of ribbon and fabric. Check me out! :-)

I'm angry and I am not sure why

So I am angry I guess at my current situation. I know I need to channel that energy into a more positive energy and let go of what is making me angry. I know why I am angry and it is just petty and childish and I need to just focus on losing this weight instead of worry about someone or something.

I just bought the book by Jillian Michaels. I might have posted this alright so forgive me for my mindless moment. I am hoping this book is good and it helps me to take time (1 year to be exact) to get my act together and really focus on living a healthier lifestyle with weight loss as the by-product.

I really made a commitment this time. I took some really uh, scary "before" pictures. I have to say I have a treasure trove of before pictures but I took pictures with my phone of me in my underwear. One word "Scary." That picture will be revealed when I reach my half way mark or when I reach my goal weight. Not sure yet.

So I also created an inspiration board. I feel that will give me the motivation to stay on track. I currently have jcrew photos. I plan on adding pictures of j mac clothes, lilly, milly and lululemon atheltica. Since I want to become a runner

Stay focused!
e.

Motivation

Okay so my younger brother called me today to let me know that he and his girlfriend got engaged this week. He also informed me that the wedding was going to be about this time next year. Well what better reason to embark on my 100 pound journey than to have an excuse to get a pretty dress! So I am debating whether or not I want to make my own dress or if I want a dress like a ck bradley, lilly, milly, jmac...im not sure but I know I will need a new wardrobe if I am going to attend the wedding with my new body!

So his advise was to start the P90X series from beachbody.com. I have Chalean Extreme so I am going to do that instead. And starting tomorrow, er today I am going to start walking...OUTSIDE! My ultimate goal...to run on a daily basis. Experience what runner's high is like. I am sure it will far surpass those cravings of bad foods! I also want to do yoga about 2 times per week.

I know I will need to take multivitamins daily. I am going to read Jillian Michaels' new book about incorporating all aspects of weight loss into one program in order to lose the weight AND keep it off! So join me in my journey to the Me I want to be!

My 100 lb Journey begins today...again!

Hello! It's been a while. I have been living la vida loca for the first part of the year! Going to school full time, working full time, being a wife and mother...FULL TIME! And here comes my excuse....wait for it, wait for it...I didnt have time focus on my weight loss! Imagine THAT! LOL!!!

So this go round I am not going to go on a diet "per se" I am going to modify my sugar intake and minimize what I eat. You know the 80/20 rule? Well my modification will be I am going to only eat 80% of what I normally eat and lets see how far that takes me! Wish me luck!

Refocus

Yesterday was a big day for me. I found out that I did not do so well on two tests that i had yesterday and it was really an eye opening experience for me. I need to really regroup and refocus on what my priorities are and really stick to them. and my priority is the following:

1. Pass all my prerequisite courses
2. Get accepted into the nursing program at daytona state.
3. To complete all my nursing courses with a B or higher.
4. To graduate from the nursing program Fall 2011.

Well I am off to a rocky start! NOt good
But Im gonna get back on track so I can achieve all those goals I plan to achieve! I had a friend tell me today that he was so impressed that when i set my mind to a goal and stick to it! and I need to get back to that erika the erika that does whatever it takes to achieve her goal. Setting my goals and priorities and sticking to them. Well that is what im going to do and nothing can stop me!!!!

Watch out world!
e.

Day 4, I think

So I started this "diet" called the Beck Diet it uses cognitive therapy to help with weight loss. The "thing" to this diet is that it helps you think like a thin person in 6 weeks. Well I thought with that and weight watchers I should be 50 lbs lighter by my 39th birthday. I want this bad I want to be able to wear the clothes I like and not clothes I settle for! I have noticed but have not mentioned that I have the dark marks on my cheek bones like really obese people. Because for my build I am considered obese. Even though I may look like a size 14 according to some I am actually a size 20 and I weigh 238 lbs! I can not have this anymore I am tired of not being happy with the person i see in the mirror. I want to see the person Im suppose to see and that is a size 4 weighing about 140 lbs. or actually 130 lbs but I would be happy with being like 136 lbs. I would not have big boobs or the fat rolls down my sides and I would be able to wear cute dresses and skirts and blouses from those 50's and 60's patterns I bought.

I really have to set my priorities straight. I was able to conquer the school grades and now I achieve A's. I was able to conquer the money thing...I got a job and I made a budget and now I am sticking to it and I am on the road to financial recovery. But why cant I get over this weight issue. I can not seem to lose and keep it off. I am obssessed with loosing weight but I get no where. I get on these eating binges and it is like I can not get off of them. When I set my mind to sticking to the plan I all of a sudden I get the cravings for things I dont want or need. And I give into the cravings instead of ignoring them. I have to learn to get used to different things. Like the tast of fat free or low fat mayo. If i dont do so Im never going to lose the weight. There are alot of other things I have to get used to. The taste of healthier foods. The fact that I need to go to the grocery twice a week for fruits and vegetables.

New Year, New Perspective

On Christmas day I signed up for Weight watchers online. I have not really stuck with it but tried to. For a month I really did not make an effort but the last couple days I have really been more aware. Looking at life from a different perspective and that is because I started reading this new book The Beck Diet Solution by Judith S Beck, Ph.D. She uses cognitive therapy in order to help you lose weight. I wrote my ARC or Advantage Response Cards two days ago and just reading them on a regular keeps me more aware of the things I put in my mouth. It really makes me think. And I really like that. Today Im feeling a bit discouraged but hopeful. I am slowly believing that I will actually be the me I want to be. I just have to use the cards to remind myself of the reasons why I want/need to lose weight! I remember the days I would watch Dawson's Creek and just dream of being as slender as Joey and Michelle. I want that. I was looking at pictures online of these really cute preppy clothes and the skinny girls that were wearing them. That is supposed to be me I thought and it will be me! I ate an unhealthy dinner tonight but shortly thereafter I did 15 minutes of turbo jam. That always puts a smile on my face! Of course it gave me an asthma attack and a headache but nonetheless I was happy! So stay tuned Im giving this a go!