Day 4, I think

So I started this "diet" called the Beck Diet it uses cognitive therapy to help with weight loss. The "thing" to this diet is that it helps you think like a thin person in 6 weeks. Well I thought with that and weight watchers I should be 50 lbs lighter by my 39th birthday. I want this bad I want to be able to wear the clothes I like and not clothes I settle for! I have noticed but have not mentioned that I have the dark marks on my cheek bones like really obese people. Because for my build I am considered obese. Even though I may look like a size 14 according to some I am actually a size 20 and I weigh 238 lbs! I can not have this anymore I am tired of not being happy with the person i see in the mirror. I want to see the person Im suppose to see and that is a size 4 weighing about 140 lbs. or actually 130 lbs but I would be happy with being like 136 lbs. I would not have big boobs or the fat rolls down my sides and I would be able to wear cute dresses and skirts and blouses from those 50's and 60's patterns I bought.

I really have to set my priorities straight. I was able to conquer the school grades and now I achieve A's. I was able to conquer the money thing...I got a job and I made a budget and now I am sticking to it and I am on the road to financial recovery. But why cant I get over this weight issue. I can not seem to lose and keep it off. I am obssessed with loosing weight but I get no where. I get on these eating binges and it is like I can not get off of them. When I set my mind to sticking to the plan I all of a sudden I get the cravings for things I dont want or need. And I give into the cravings instead of ignoring them. I have to learn to get used to different things. Like the tast of fat free or low fat mayo. If i dont do so Im never going to lose the weight. There are alot of other things I have to get used to. The taste of healthier foods. The fact that I need to go to the grocery twice a week for fruits and vegetables.