Wordless Wednesday

Source: fit2print.tumblr.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

I want to change my blog name

I've been pretty absent here on this blog because I've been blogging over at my lifestyle blog Shop Girl Speaks. It's a bit of this and that happening in my life. I have to admit when I first started this blog I thought the name was catchy and it really summed up how I felt about myself at the time. Well times change and I'm honestly tired of my blog name. When I read it, it makes me feel like I'm always hopeful to be that person but will NEVER BE that person. Does that make sense? In my heart I know I will achieve my weight and inch loss in time. How long who knows but I truly believe I WILL achieve my goal. With that being said I would like to change the name to something more direct and positive like... "The ME I'm GONNA be!" Sounds better don't you think?

Weight Loss Inspiration: Charlotte Siems

I'm still struggling with my weight, that is nothing new. While I haven't been motivated to do much I haven't gotten to the point of totally giving up. From time to time I get motivated from other people's success at their weight loss journey one person for me has been Charlotte Siems. Charlotte has lost over 100 pounds with T-Tapp!!!

I have to admit I find that when I'm completely discouraged I'll watch this video and somehow it sparks a little motivation in me. She is probably the only weight loss success story that makes me feel that if she can do it so can I. I'm not sure why because she is the mother of 12 and our life stories other than weight loss are different, but something about her journey speaks to me. See the video below.





Who motivates you?

What else can I do?

Source: mth2012.tumblr.com via Erika on Pinterest

I have been struggling with my weight loss and I'm not sure how to push through when the going gets tough and boy is it ever!

I don't know about you but if I read one more testimonial that states "If I can do it so can you!" I'm going to scream! I say, "You don't know me, so how in the hell do you know that I could do it?" My body has proven to me that I CAN'T DO IT! So there now what? Not to mention who knows what covert attempts you've taken during your journey to get to your goal weight. Like some of these fitness "gurus" that claim they used "Gadget X" to get into that svelte shape they're sporting, alot of them share half truths. Chances are that B rate celebrity didn't use gadget X to get that slim. They lied cheated and who knows what to get where they got. I know I sound miffed because I am.

This weekend I will celebrate my 41st birthday and I remember back before I turned 30, I vowed to get back down to the size 4 I was in my early 20's. Well that never happened. I learned alot about losing weight since then and have applied certain principles along the way but nothing that helped me get back down to that size. I've now settled on being a size 8 and feel like it's a much more attainable size for me even though it equates to approximately 6 more inches in the bust/waist/hips than a size 4.

I'm very angry that I'm not where I want to be physically or financially and I know I only have myself to thank for that. I'm angry that I feel like a failure in the weight loss department when I feel like I've conquered other aspects of my life. Gosh I probably wouldn't be able to live with myself if I lost the weight. No I think I'll manage.

What happens when you can't push through the periods of discouragement? What do you do when nothing or no one seems to motivate you? Well that's where I am. The only thing I feel that will take me through is to continue my exercise regime whether or not it's doing anything and continue to eat healthier than I have in the past. Man that will be the hardest thing I will do. I mean who really wants to work hard at something and never see the outcome they're looking for? Especially someone who has no patience like me!

Like I said that is the only the thing I can do because that is the only thing I haven't done. Being consistent. This will be the challenge of my life folks is being consistent. Ugh, not looking forward to it but what do I got to lose? Weight? I hope!

Should I settle?

I'm honestly starting to settle on becoming a size 10 instead of a size 4. Is that bad? Right now I'm a snug size 16 on bottom and a loose 18 on top. I have given up the scale though. It's truly counter productive. I think I've said it here before that you can't take a scale to a dressing room to try on that size 4. I will occasionally hop on the scale to see "how things are going" but then I regret it because it never gives me a number I want to see!

So with that being said I will continue to use my clothing to gauge my success. My focus this week is to get in 8 glasses of water per day. Why this is such a challenge I will never know because I enjoy drinking water. I don't have to "doctor" it up with Crystal light or fruit juice. I do have to have it filtered though.

Have you ever settled during your weight loss journey? 

Great Friends

I have to say that I have great friends. My friends believe in me more than I do sometimes. For example, a friend of mine stop by yesterday because it had been a while since we visited. We talked about many things his unfulfilling job,  my new role as a work at home mom, soap operas,  and then I brought up my weight.

I probed him to give me the "skinny" so to speak on his friends. You see the girls he hangs out with are slim so you know I had to ask him how do they stay so slim. Is there a secret? He said no not really other than they're mindful of what they eat and they exercise. You know a "healthy lifestyle." Well I was looking for some dirt but apparently his other friends aren't as "dirty" as I thought. Then he mentioned to me "Erika you CAN do it. Never say never."

I thought to myself...HE thinks I can do it? Has he seen me impersonate a slug, unmotivated, discouraged, and broken? The closest way I get to a yoga class is by pulling on my yoga pants. Of which my 7 year old doesn't understand why I call them that because you have to wear yoga pants TO a yoga class and my pants have only seen the bus stop and the occasional quick trip to Wal-mart.

Here I have another friend who truly believes I can actually get to my goal weight. I'm blessed to be surrounded by people who believe in me when I don't believe in myself. Are you? If not why not? Post below.

Best.

I have a confession to make

I haven't blogged because I feel like a failure. I start things and I never finish them. You name it I don't finish it. I am a master of not finishing anything. So then I feel like I've failed and I'm not perfect so I hide out and read other people's blogs while feelings of inadequacy creep in.

Listen between Facebook and the skinny people showing off how much fun they are having at their fabulous vacation homes and bloggers who actually follow through and live their dreams it makes me want to just turn in my ID card and just give up.

I feel very discouraged most days and it has contributed to my lack of motivation to do anything. My home is in an utter state of disaster...at least for me it is. I have a laundry list of things to do with my ribbon business and transitioning into my design business compounded with the responsibilities of home keeping! Oy vey!

I have to say since I've lost my job I'm not nearly as angry as I have been and I really relish the time I have with my family and being home. I still feel like I could be a better mom. But I will always feel that way...I have the Catholic guilt.

I've learned to be grateful and content with what God has given me and it really feels great. I've never been content with life and now I'm learning to be. That's HUGE for me. Now I hope that he can give me the motivation I need to eat better, exercise, and feel better about myself.

Baby steps I guess.